Generalism

“Hello there sir. Welcome to the New Century Job Agency. Take a seat. Now, let’s have a look. Okay, right… fine. So, what’s your specialism?”

“Specialism?”

“Yes, specialism. You do have a specialism don’t you? Everyone has a specialism. So what’s yours?”

“Er, I don’t really have one…”

“You don’t have one? Really? Oh, well, hmm, I see… Well, that’s a tricky one then sir. Y’see we deal with specialists here. We don’t get many generalists, really not many at all. Y’see, it’s like this sir. You have your David Beckhams right? Well, they may think they’re a dab hand in goal, but we want them up front don’t we? And we don’t want them taking crosses from your classic Van Der Sars do we? Ooh no, that wouldn’t be right. I mean, who would be back in our half stakin’ out the penalty box?”

“Er, I have no idea…”

“Exactly. So we have our Beckhams up front, we have our Van De Sars in goal, and our Rooneys on the bench, all just where they belong. So the question is, if you’re not up front, and you’re not in goal, and you’re not on the bench, where are you?”

“Erm…”

“Precisely sir. I’m sorry sir, but I’m just going to have to ask you to come back when you have your specialism sorted out.”

“But, er, how do I get a specialism? I’m a generalist, I thrive on variety and bring a mix of skills to the party…”

“Well that’s all very nice sir, and really, I would like to help you with your, er, party, but y’see I deal with specialists. I know about specialists. My clients ask for specialists. I have a list of keywords to suit every specialist. Ah, maybe if you had a list of keywords that I could put against my keywords, then I could figure your specialism for you and fit you right in. Do you have a list of keywords?”

“Hmm, no not really…”

“So no keywords either? You have no specialism, and no keywords? Ooh that is a rum state of affairs. I’m not sure I’ve come across that for a good few years now, not since all this efficiencising and recruitment outsourcing became all the rage. Amazing. Well sir, on behalf of all of us here at New Century Job Agency I’d like to thank you for your time, and wish you the best of luck in your future career.”

“Er, is that it?”

“Yes sir, I’m afraid so.”

“So, I can’t even apply directly to see if any of your clients might appreciate a generalist on their team?”

“No, I’m afraid not sir.”

“Er, right then, erm, well, thank you for your time then….”

“You’re welcome sir. The door’s just over there.”